I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
