Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
