spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
