When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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