i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
