you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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