So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
