I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
