just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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