Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize