Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
