why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
