Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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