Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize