I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
