Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
