yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
