Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
