Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
