i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
