I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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