I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
