Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
