You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
