True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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