Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
