weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
