she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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