She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
