I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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