toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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