and i looked up. we had an audience...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
