Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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