So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
