"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I enjoy the company of your penis
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
