Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize