eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
