Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
