I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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