dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize