So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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