My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
