i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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