A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We talked him into tasing himself.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
