It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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