why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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