hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
