nut hugger
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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