you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
