I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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