Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Mom said you looked used
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
