Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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