im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
