and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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