His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
