Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
