Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
