I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
