I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
