she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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