i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize