laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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