i permit you to call me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize