I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
