Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
