there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
