Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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