So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
