my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
