so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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