Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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