you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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