I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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