my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
lets start a swedish sibling band together
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize