is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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