why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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