I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
