I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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