the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
