Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
