Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
