just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
