Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
