You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
