did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize