Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
