my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize