My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
