question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize